Diary of an up and coming sociopath

It’s important, around Christmas, to remember people. All the while, we’re bombarded with messages in the media about the hardships endured by other people in other countries, and even our own. It really makes us think about how fortunate we are. It makes you think about how you might go about helping these people, or how you can do your bit. And while you think that, it’s drawing your attention away from something. Drawing your attention away from the section of society the media ignores most at Christmas.

Those that have it better than us.

There’s loads of them out there. I mean, there must be. Who else is buying the things you can’t afford to? What did you get for Christmas? Do you think it’s paid off your hard work this year? Do you think the gifts you received are as good as the gifts you gave? Just how good did that food taste? Was it delivered on a golden tray by your army of servants? Is that new car really the one you wanted, or just what you manage? Someone out there is buying the things you want, and they’re doing it with an infinitesimal fraction of their wealth while you struggle on. Bastards. What the fuck is wrong with them? Don’t you think they should get what they deserve!?

Quickly. The carving knife. Secret it upon yourself before anyone sees. Slip away into the night and stalk from window to window. Look, there. The driveway with the Lexi. The owners are probably younger than you are, and twice as rich. How is that fair? What did they do that you didn’t? They’re expecting visitors on today of all days. If you can work fast enough, they’ll never have a chance to stop you. When the door opens, make your strike. Their reflexes are dulled by the wine and food they bought with their dirty money. You can liberate them from their own mistakes, one cut at a time. Now make sure to leave no trace. GO! Like wind in the night, no-one will know it was you who were there. Return to your home and reflect on what you’ve done. Christmas is a time for reflection.

Well, I think we all got carried away a little there. Here what my haul is so far:

A Nintendo DS off Mum/Terry - This is my first console since the fucking SNES, man. I toyed with the diea of buying a GBA SP for a while but it wasn’t until I saw Mario Kart DS that I was swayed into getting the DS. That, and the investigations I’ve done into the homebrew scene that’s made me realise I can unlock the potential without unlocking my wallet. It’s very odd to be getting something that’s not money and not DVDs, that’s for sure.

Speaking of which, DVDs:
Family Guy S2 off Rob - Because I’ve almost finished watching through Season 1.
Harvey Birdman S1 off Mum/Terry - Because as good as crappy DivX is, I needed to own this on DVD.
An Evening With Kevin Smith - Simply, I’ve been without it too long.
Quantum Leap S2 off Nikki - Because Quantum Leap is always going to be excellent.
Conan off Nikki - For the Schwarzenegger commentary. (”Yah now dis is vere I hit de guy in de face.”)

Also pseudomoney:
£5 Fopp voucher off Jo (Pixies CD perhaps? Pixies Sell Out DVD? Happy Gilmore?)
£5 Forbidden Planet voucher off Nikki’s Dad (Going towards Couriers v2/3 or Grrl Scouts)

The usual busload of chocolate (This year’s chocolate orange count surprisingly low so far - 1 orange, 1 mint)
A car sponge off Dad/Fiona (I can take the hint.)
A Tardis Key Ring off Dad/Fiona (The solid metal one. You know what I’m talking about.)
A “Lies to tell small children” book off Nikki’s mum
A torch-keyring off Nikki’s mum
£165 in cash mostly off Dad/Grandparents, and other assorted relatives.
Other usual stuff like socks and deodorant (why at Christmas? Do people particularly stink at christmas, or are people looking for any excuse they can find, that’s what I want to know.)
Other stuff. I think I got all the main gifts though.

Who knows what’s to come tomorrow, as well? You can bet it’ll be slightly unhinged, but maybe I’ll go into that in greater detail later on. Now I’m going to see if I can’t get my DS onto the internet and see what abuse I can get up to with it.