Diary of an up and coming sociopath

Sometimes, you have to suffer for your hobbies. Not in a Simon Quinlank, master of all hobbies, going insane way, but suffer nonetheless. My particular penance comes in the form of comic care.

I’m ridiculously obsessive about keeping my stuff in good condition, so obviously, when the stuff I’m trying to keep in good condition is constructed of flimsy paper, things can get ugly. I don’t board every comic, I tend fo bag them in sets, but I do like to have them stored properly somewhere. For this reason, god created comic boxes.

Comic boxes are appropriately dimensioned, easily transportable comic receptacles. They come in varying capacities and can be a real hand to organisation as well. They’re ridiculously simple, a fact that is not at all reflected in their high price. They are, for any serious comics afficionado, a necessity. I’ve been running out of storage space for a while, and I promised Nikki that next time I had the chance, I’d buy a new box and tidy things up a little.

Since I took thursday and friday off work, it seemed like the right time.

Clearly, when whichever deity you blame invented comic boxes, he chanced upon the wonderful idea of keeping them flat-packed until you need to assemble them. It works great, as you might expect. What it doesn’t do well is let you transport them across town by hand. Certainly, it doesn’t allow you to transport them on a tube train by hand either, which was why I had to wait until my day off to buy them, because I’m damn sure you’re not getting one home by hand, on a tube train, in london, at rush hour.

And that was just the hurdle I knew was there to jump.

When I got to forbidden planet, I had to hang around trying to figure out who were the staff and who were the clients. It’s often a problem in such places because everyone there’s a nerd underneath and during the quieter periods of day, it comes to the surface more. I eventually noticed some guy kept wandering behind a counter, and decided he fit the bill. I knew at once he was in retail, because the ensuing conversation went verbatim like this:

“Hi. Do you sell comic boxes?”
“Yes, we do.”
“What sizes have you got?”
“Well…” he paused and thought, “Comic box size.”

After which I pretty much gave up and eventually asked for their smallest one. Now, for the uninitiated, what I was trying to discern was whether they have short, medium or long boxes available. Those are the standard designations, and I was looking for one or all of those terms. In my generous nature, I’m going to assume that he knew anyone asking for comic boxes would know the available sizes and felt it unecessary to confim what I suspected, but usually I like to get a bit more out of my retail inquiries.

After paying for it and dragging it upstairs, I was delighted to find that it was now raining, which it had not been when I entered the building. Luckily, some gilfriendly foresight had bestowed upon me a bin bag which just about covered the box. Soggy carboard sheets would prove of little use storing comics, and this particlar pair of cardboard sheets just cost me six quid.

My hands froze and the bag got soaked, but the box inside remained remarkably dry. On the tube journey home I propped it up next to the plexiglass divider and tried to pretend it was totally normal. People were looking at me in a way that said “What has he got in that binbag? Is it a picture? A mirror? Wait, is it a bomb of some kind? Is he a suicide bomber? I’d better put one hand on the emergency alarm lever just in case.” Such that by the time I was halfway back I felt like standing up and saying “Do not be alarmed. I am a comic geek and this is my comic geek paraphenalia. There is no reason to be afraid.”

Still, I got it home in one piece, and it’s now awaiting some serious comic reorganisation, after which it’ll become an integral part of whatever systen I adopt anew. Filing comics is a whole different ballgame, really, the transportation of comic boxes is peanuts compared to that. We’re really just scratching the surface of the tip of the iceberg in terms of what the hobby entails with this entry.

Speaking of which, did you see Jonothan Ross? He interviews Hewlett and ALbarn and openly admitted to caring more about meeting the guy who drew tank girl over the guy who is in Blur. He is like an ambassador for nerdism and to see the artform get worshipped so openly by a respected man, even if he is a gibbering fanboy at heart, was just great. Jamie Hewlett was good, but I’d really like to see someone who is proper hardcore comics fare on his show, like Warren Ellis or Grant Morisson. Dear god, that would make some hilarious watching.