Diary of an up and coming sociopath

Spent most of today at the Excel Centre in East London. Another Expo rolls around. Apparantly it was three times the size of the last one, but I’m not really sure I got that impression. It was still decent, though, and while it doesn’t have as many merchants as something like Memorabilia, it was still quite the experience. I totally betrayed my bank accuont by spending £20 on t-shirts, but with good reason. I’ll get to that later.

First there’s the journey. We thought we were being smart, having figured out that with parts of the DLR closed, we would be getting a silverlink train from Canning Town. Hilariously, the silver link trains were also closed and we ended up on a bus replacement service, with no idea where we were or where we’d end up, as is the style with these mockeries of transport. Though I’m exaggerating a little, because in this case at least it was about 3 minutes up the road. But, it could’ve been far worse.

Being sunday, and still quite early, the queue was mercifully short, though we weren’t early enough to get any of the free letraset bags they were handing out. I can only dream as to what they contained. I’m sure it was nothing I wanted, but when it’s free, I actually do want it. Next time I’m going to insist we go on the saturday, when the queues are longer and the free stuff flows like wine.

Once we were inside, we did a quick circuit of the place and I began the battle of wills with a stall from RetroGT which ended when I bought the Dizzy and Elite t-shirts. I mean, it’s technically not “Elite” but rather, “1337″ - but we all know that’s just because David Braben is a litigious bastard, or rather, allegedly is, so they’re taking as few chances as possible with the graphics. Even now, though, I think back to the Ryu vs Ken t-shirt and wonder when I didn’t try and haggle things down for a deal on three shirts. That one’s always going to be the one that got away.

Next to the t-shirt stand there was a robot wars arena. Where they actually let you control the robots. Everyone is a big fan of robot wars, or rather, they would be if it remotely lived up to its promise. As it was, Robot Wars tends to involve two underpowered metal lumps wheel-spinning at each other, and the arena they had there lived up to the property’s reputation when the person controlling the robot couldn’t figure out how to move it off the side wall an instead kept knocking into it. The guy later offered Ian a go but in he said “No thanks..” in what was probably the most contemptuous way possible.

While wandering around, we met up with a couple of Josh and Al’s students, one of whom was dressed up as some guy from Naruto. It was somewhat awkward, because you could tell he was obviously unprepared to be defending the nerd aspect of his life to the educational aspect. He was almost afforded some dignity, but later they took a photo of him when he was in the cosplay competition that’ll probably be his undoing.

The less said about the Cosplay competition, though, the better. It’s a difficult subculture to understand, because it mostly involves (especially where manga is concerned) fat and ugly people dressing up as thin and pretty people in a clear case of psychological meltdown. I don’t care how cool you think Cardcaptor Sakura is, dressing up like a character from it will just make you look like a freak. It’s a lot like goth fashion in many ways in fact, as a bizarre mix of fetishism and, er… actually, I guess it’s just fetishism. The problem is that costumes from anime weren’t designed to exist in three dimensions and that the people wearing them are taking fandom to horrifying new levels of devotion. It can look good, but again, like with goth fashion if you look good, it can make you look better, but if you don’t look good, encasing yourself in makeup, leather and rubber is going to make you look far worse. Doubly so for cosplay, because it usually involves crepe paper and cardboard in the mix. Having said all that about the wierdoes, the temptation to enter the competition as Genshiken characters is almost too much, Genshiken being an anime/manga about anime/manga nerds who dress in jeans and hoodies.

There was, admittedly, some better organisation of the cosplay competition this time around, though, it’s fair to say. At least half of the announcers could pronounce the names, and the judges were people who knew what they were doing, as opposed to the first weirdo celebrity the organised could buy off backstage.

After we were done, we stopped at the Montagu Pyke in central london for some food, then made our way back home. We’d planned to go to the carvery in snaresbrook but the train works scuppered that idea. Still, I can’t complain because what I ate was still more than adequate. As if this nerdism wasn’t enough, next weekend we’re planning to go meet Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright at forbidden planet, which will probably be a deeply shambolic affair given what i’ve seen of other signings at FP. But at least it’s free.

It’s that magical time of year again, that I can’t resist revelling in, where we all get the hour back that our lousy government stole from us a few months ago. I intend to make use of it. Actually I’m starting to think if every day had an extra hour in I’d be far more satisfied with the length of the day, because right now they all feel somewhat truncated, where today feels just about right. Metric days, they should be called.

I feel like I should remind everyone that the episode of Never Mind the Buzzcocks on Monday is the one we went to see filmed. I’ll be downloading myself a copy, but it’s worth watching as well. I know I wasn’t directly involved with it and I have no vested interest in the show per se, it’s just cool to be able to go “LOOK! LOOK! I WAS AT THAT!!!” and that’s easier to do if you watch it. So do it, fothermuckers.

I’ve spent a good chunk of time this week helping Al fix his PC. It was a gruelling ordeal but between the five of us we’ve managed to assemble it in some kind of working order. This kind of experience is a good advert for why you shouldn’t build your own PC, though personally I did mine and it was perfectly okay, so maybe it’s an advert for why you shouldn’t build a PC unless you’ve done it before. Always two there must be, a master and apprentice. (This is technically a star wars reference about the Sith, but it always strikes me as astonishingly similar to how the Cornish language survives to this day. Lucas may know something about the Cornwallians that we don’t.)

Tomorrow the plan is to head back out to the Excel centre in East London and hit the newly triple-sized Expo. Last time we got free light sabers and I won a volume of manga. Will this time be any better? The person who comes away with the most Garnier Manga Head hair gel sample sachets wins!

Calvin and Hobbes box set arrived today. It’s a fucking wonder to behold. 3 hardback volumes containing 10 years of material. I seriously doubt I’ll read it in the near future, but that’s because I’ve got almost everything in it in the paperback collections. There’s still some new material that was exclusive to the collections of the collections (which I never owned) so when Nikki’s at work on Saturday I’ll take in what’s almost certain to be the last ever calvin and hobbes stuff I’ve not seen. I’m trying not to think about paying £50 for a couples of books, really, because it sets a dangerous precedent, especially with those “Absolute” collections of Alan Moore comics that keep getting released.

I spent lunchtime today finding a pair of sunglasses to buy. At work we have this ridiculous theme for each company meeting and if you neglect to follow it, they slap you with a hilarious forfeit. This month, it was that you had to do the Company yodel, in front of the rest of the employees. I didn’t know that at the time, but having seen the can-can dancing I was more than willing to pay a few quid. This month’s theme was sunglasses, and since I didn’t have any I went to buy some from a dodgy looking shop on Oxford Street, not that I’m narrowing it down much. I figured if anyone would be selling sunglasses cheap and out of season, it’d be that kind of shop. The glasses have a skull and Crossbones on the side, are mirrored, and cost £4. I strongly doubt I’ll ever wear them again, though maybe next meeting I’ll wear a hat, a bright shirt, and the sunglasses just to try and accentuate the ridiculousness of the themes. Dignity has a price - 4 quid.

If you answered:

A) Genshiken DVDs? - Well, the new Manga’s out later this week, so I get my Genshiken fix whatever. I can wait to buy the DVDs a little while. No rush yet, I might as well wait until the third is out and combine the shipping from the US.

G) Credit Card Repayments. (Yawn.) - Can’t help it. I’m still paying off my new PC. Only £50 left as of today, though, following a further £100 one-off payment. My Egg card will get an automated £40 payoff and that’ll be it once again for this month.

E) Runaways Vol. 1 hardcover - Definitely not in a rush to get this just now. More of a way for me to blow some “surplus” cash on things I wouldn’t normally buy after christmas has finished.

D) Couriers, Volumes 2 and 3? - Brian Wood’s going to be abundant in the coming months. Couriers will be around for a long while yet, and the urgency just isn’t there.

F) All of the above? - That’s dangerous thinking.

C) Excel Saga volumes 1-3? - I just bought volumes 1-3 of Cromartie High, and while Excel Saga is good, with 13 volumes I’m reluctant to start because it’s going to mean a long-term commitment to getting the whole series.

However, if you answered:

B) The Complete Calvin and Hobbes Collection?

You would be CORRECT! It’s £50, but I’m sure it’s worth it. There is the small matter of a single altered strip, but I’m willing to let it go. For now. Expect a larger rant when my copy of this arrives. 3 hardback volumes, 10 years of material, everything in a single collection. Barring any house fires, this is the sort of thing that’s going to cause lasting enjoyment. For me. At this price I’m decreeing that no-one else be allowed to touch it without paying a small deposit. And wearing acid-free latex gloves.

Now I just have to sit and wonder with bemusement at how the guy who has to carry it is going to manage.

A) Genshiken DVDs?

B) The Complete Calvin and Hobbes Collection?

C) Excel Saga volumes 1-3?

D) Couriers, Volumes 2 and 3?

E) Runaways Vol. 1 hardcover

F) All of the above?

It’s a dangerous time to live near forbidden planet, that’s for sure, even if I will end up buying some of this stuff off Amazon.

Oh wait, I just remembered:

G) Credit Card Repayments. (Yawn.)

Disposable income, good, disposing of income, bad.

Last night we had the Q3 tech team event. What happens is at the end of each quarter year, our esteemed tech leader is given a chunk of money to take us all out for some kind of hilarious social event. The first one I went to was a meal at some place in Soho that was alright, the next was a chinese meal that I skipped, and the last one before this was the pool evening you may remember me mentioning a short while back. They’re all fun in a way, but they do seem to be improving. This most recent one was a meal and pub quiz, set up by ourselves, at the crown and anchor in covent garden.

I’m not a huge fan of pubs, or drinking solely for the purpose of drinking, but it’s fair to say that I wasn’t too bothered by this setup. We had a private room, and the lace was more of a gastropub-turned-bar than a traditional pub, so like, the floor wasn’t sticky and there wasn’t duct tape over the seat cushions, which is the sort of place I’m more used to finding pub quizzes. I had lamb and creamed potatoes, which made me laugh a bit when it arrived and I discoverd it did literally mean, roast lamb and mashed potatoes, and nothing else. I honestly expoected to have to eat around some horrendous greenery at teh very least, but it was just that with a sprig of what may have been parsley atop the pile. Pretty good though, a lot of other people had steak and chips (again, don’t get any ideas about and side order with that) but it looked pretty good too. I’d definitely consider going back next time I’m looking for some slightly different eating.

My team won the quiz, of course. We had an extra person due to some bad numbering, but it’s fair to say we would’ve won even without one of our members, because we were all horrendous nerds. I even got a sport question right, that’s how much I was on fucking fire. Though, it was about F1, so it’s not unheard of for me to know about that. I got a trophy for my troubles that I’ll make sure to upload a photo of before I take it in to display proudly on my desk at work. I don’t believe I’ve ever won a trophy before today. I once got a “best effort” medal for P.E. in secondary school, but that could be more accurately termed “most patronising attitude towards people who hate sports but participate despite that because the alternative is hanging out with the remedial kids” - though on the other hand even getting changed was a huge effort for me, psychologically speaking.

Today I’ve been destroying my mind with spider-man games. I got a break in to play some Quake 4 but I’m distinctly unimpressed, and will probably uninstall it soon. I feel no regret because I didn’t pay for it. We went to Tescos and the saga of the world’s worst petrol station continued when we were stuck in a queue for 15 minutes because some guy filled up his car, then queued and paid, then filled up someone else’s car, queued, paid, and argued about whether he had received sufficient discount. I evem left before he did. This petrols tation was also where I saw a guy overifll his car and soak his trousers with petrol, and saw a girl yanking at the petrol delivery pipe to stretch it to the other side of her car, as if it was somehow retractable, fail, then drive off with her petrol cap still open. And more incidents besides. Perhaps the proxomity to a tube line is giving people there carbon monoxide poisoning, I dunno.

Nice weather we’re having down here too. Grey, raining, that sort of shit. Summer’s gone and good fucking riddance. I’ll take the current weather over what we’ve just left behind for another year any day.

It’s not often I feel like the license fee is actually worth what I’m being gouged for. Yesterday, Josh, Al, Nikki and I went to see Never Mind the Buzzcocks being filmed, and for a change it felt like the money we’re basically taxed for each year actually did go to something worthwhile. For too long I’ve been paying the BBC money for shit TV that I barely ever watch (though the website is almost worth it, to be fair). In this instance, I was paying the BBC for the change to go and view live comedy that was far funnier than anything they’ve ever actually broadcast in their miserable lives.

I’ve been a big fan of ‘Buzzcocks for quite a few years now, so when I went on the BBC site to see if they had any Jonathon Ross tickets and instead ended up finding ones for Buzzcocks, I wasn’t exactly disappointed. I think I threw in the request some time around the start of August, for four tickets, and I chose them for October because I knew it would break up the post-Tenerife, gig-less month. Then I promptly forgot about it entirely until they sent me an invitation to a “My Family” recording which made me wonder just how the hell the BBC got my address anyway. I’d just about rememebered when the Buzzcocks tickets themselves hit the mat.

I can say, quite honestly, that it was one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen. You know how it gets when you wish they’d stop making jokes just so you can rest your face from laughing so hard? That’s what it’s like from start to finish. Mark Lamarr is a comedy genius, and I think that if anything, 9 years of episodes has just made him more visceral. He spent most of the 2 hours joking about masturbating over charlotte church and insulting the audience. He managed to make offensive comments directly about every racial and social minority, and for that matter, majority. An example of this would be how he re-recorded a joke to make it broadcastable by changing the word “holocaust” into “war.” The fact that he’s publically funded is probably the biggest joke of all, in fact. I wish the show was on more, so that I could get more tickets and go again. He simply is that funny.

The guests were Katie Melua, Holly Willoughby, some american comedian whose name I forget and Darren Hayes (the guy out of Savage Garden) - I’m unsure if I spelt all those right but I can’t be bothered to check. He reckons the recorded episode, while bieng one of the last, is actually going to go out first, and should turn up around the end of this month. I’ll be damn interested to see how they get half an hour of material out of the two that were filmed, but I suspect you’re going to hear a lot of the “clean” jokes which someone would come up with after about 20 minutes of swearing, such as Bill Bailey’s otter documentary stuff, or Lamarr’s bee-man.

It took up most of the evening to do, we got there at 6, queued, got ushered out because they had a fire drill, queued again, then got put into the studio where the recording lasted just over 2 hours, then we came home and got some food on the way back. It highlights one of the more immediate benefits of living in London - we can go see that get filmed, and still be home well in time for bed. I’m definitely taking advantage of this ticket scam more often, though I honestly doubt much can meet the quality of this time.

Other observations before I get the hell to sleep:
Bill Bailey is much slimmer than you’d expect.
Phil Jupitus is much fatter than you’d expect.
The outtakes of any episode of Never Mind the Buzzcocks would be far funnier than any episode of the series could ever hope to be. Unfortunately, not only is the material it would contain unbroadcastable, it’s almost illegal, and at teh very least would result in civil litigation.
Gavin Rossdale is a bizarre target for ridicule, but after what we heard I won’t look at him or Gwen Stefani the same way again.

I managed to get back to work with about all the grace you’d expect of someone who let their sleeping pattern revent to virtual studenthood during their time off. I think I had about 4 hours sleep last night. Somehow I made it through the day, though, and I’ve come out on the other side ready for a power-nap that should take me back into some semblance of normality in time for tomorrow, when we’re going to go see Never Mind the Buzzcocks get filmed. I ordered tickets off the BBC site a few months ago and was kind of surprised when they turned up the other week, because the memory of doing it was pretty hazy and I hadn’t really thought about it since I did it.

This, while great, is also kind of annoying, because I just today discovered that the Ultimate Spider-Man game is out on the PC (not just consoles as I thought) and that Al had downloaded, and that it was fucking excellent. I couldn’t have chosen a better time to get a new computer as wave upon wave of decent new game is released. Black and White 2, for instance, which is much better than the last, and Megaman Zero 4, which I’ve been waiting for since I completed Megaman Zero 3 like the week before we moved out of Oxford, and now find myself unable to devote enough time to. In this spider-man game, not only can you BE venom, but you can be venom and fight Wolverine. Fanboy nerdism levels rising. The only crime is that you’re allowed to fight Wolverine and win, frankly, but I’ll let it slide. THIS time.

So much geekery to cram in, so little time in which to cram it.

Had some time off work the last couple of days to try and use up some of my annual allocation. I was only taking days off when I needed to, and because I don’t do anything really, it was stacking up to the point where I had to use up 20 days in three months (we get 25 a year) - I’ve got myself down to 10 between now and the 25th Dec. Should be able to find time to squeeze it in. Next year I think I’ll try and be a bit more, er, evenly-spread about taking days off.

Yesterday Josh and I went into central London to invade the local comic shops. I met him at Broadway station after he was done with Uni and we took an almost deserted central line to TCR. It was quite ridiculous compared to how I’m used to travelling on the tube. When we were hanging around I noticed with some amusement that the northern line closure was being attributed to “signalling problems” rather than the far more accurate, “driver desertion due to horrendous safety failure.” Either they don’t have a pre-recorded message for the second one (and by this point, they should..) or this was the world’s most inept attempt at a cover up. I dunno what it’s like outside of the big smoke, but around here everyone’s well aware of what the hell’s going on (one of the benefits of living in London is that local politics actually matters to the point where you can get an interest in it. I didn’t have the slightest opinion on Ken Livingstone before this time last year. These days the opposite is true, and I’m free to ignore anything outside the M25.)

When we got to Forbidden Planet I was glad to find the second Age of Apocalypse collection was out. AoA was an excellent storyline that spanned many books in possibly the only example of a megacrossover that worked. £20 for like 17 issues worth of comics is a great deal, even when you assume it’ll have cost me around £80 once the entire run is out. I’m at the £40 mark right now, but the cost is worth it. I’m used to paying more around this amount for a season of TV, and the comics give me equal if not more enjoyment. Josh bought a Tomine graphic novel which I’ll be stealing from him at some point.

In the art display on Charing Cross road, there were giant braille letters which, when translated, read “I will never see my love again.” It impressed me, if only because it’s about the only thing they’ve put in there that’s equally as bleak as the city can be. Though I admit the mummified humans writhing around were a close second.

I just heard Death Cab’s cover of “This Charming Man.” Can someone explain to me why they thought it’d be a good idea to record the song before they’d learnt the words? Traditionally that’s a good way to avoid singing lines that are gibberish.

On a side note, I believe I’ll abandon my comics roundup in favour of the stuff I do for NTS, not least because it’s pretty clear no-one else is especially interested. I did a review of Thunderbolts #13 a day or two ago which I tried to be diplomatic about because while Thunderbolts is one of my favourite comics, it’s going through a dodgy patch to say the least.