Diary of an up and coming sociopath

Okay, the reasons this entry is late are threefold:

Firstly, I don’t even remember what I did on Thursday. I don’t think it was much, but I certainly wasn’t inspired to record that particular day for posterity. I remember waking up late and feeling like I’d spent the previous day walking around London, and a general amount of aching.

Secondly, I was at Paul and Relly’s wedding yesterday, so I didn’t have the chance to do it then, for obvious reasons.

Finally, I got back to Oxford quite late today and wanted to eat.

However, I can only put this off for so long, else I’ll just end up with nothing to say. I’ll begin where the important stuff begins, on a lazy Friday morning in Oxford town. I woke up at 10, because I kind of dreaded the idea of waking up late. Given that Paul and Relly had invited me to their wedding, I felt that it’d be courteous enough for me to turn up on time. I hunted down my “smart” clothes, which avid readers will remember I bought way back just after I started this blog, for the Kraft interviews. This marks the third time I’ve employed such clothing, and the first time that wasn’t for an interview. Luckily, I didn’t look too much like a prat. I left about half 12, and went to the petrol station. First time I’ve filled my tank up in months. Probably, in fact, since the last time I drove down to Brighton. I wore a T-Shirt for the drive down, because I figured it’d stop the shirt from getting creased and sweaty. I was probably correct, because I spent an hour stuck on the M25 shuffling forward very slowly with my fans on full blast, channeling warm air into my face. At one point, I turned the fan off to see if it’d be any cooler without them, but it was hotter, and all that happened when I turned the fans back on was that it failed to revert back to the original temperature.

Once I was off the M25, it was pretty much an easy ride. I got to Hayward’s Heath about 45 minutes earlier than was necessary, which at least gave me time to change into my shirt while parked in the railway station carpark. I did it quite tastefully I thought, in a kind of “Mr. Bean putting on one piece of clothing and taking off another, without revealing any flesh to onlookers” way. I spent a short while memorising the route from the station to the venue, then set off at a leisurely pace, looking for landmarks. Unfortunately, I suspect I’ll be able to find my way there for the rest of my life now. Just a whole bunch more brain capacity I wasn’t using, I suppose. One of the directions instructed me to “Drive through a white fence” which I was looking forward to, but when I arrived there was already a gap for cars in it. It eventually turned out that the only problem I encountered on the drive was overshooting the entrance to the venue because of an annoying van. And leaving my phone in the car by accident, meaning I had to go back for it once I’d locked up.

Once I’d gone inside, I said hi to Eri and then spent a while talking to nicky and Fleur, since Nikki was off doing her bridesmaidly duties. Down at the lake, we watched a giant fish attack a slightly smaller duck. Around 4, they actually had the service. Words, or at least my words, can’t really do it justice, so I’ll just say that everyone involved seem to enjoy it. It was probably the best wedding ceremony I’ve ever been to, I can say that much for certain, and not just because it seemed shorter than any of the others. Afterwards, a load of photos got taken out in the grounds, and Nikki and I wandered around chatting with various parties until the food was ready to be served. I was sat at a table with Nicky (H), Fleur, Relly’s friend Nick, Dav and Jo. Nikki says we were clearly the worst behaved, and not just because Dav was carving a Spider-Man face into his melon starter. I’m sure Relly and Paul will understand once they receive the photos, anyway. Assuming the camera wasn’t waterlogged.

After dunner, the entertainment began. I can’t deny I was entertained, but I’ll be brutally honest and say the dancing and music part of a wedding (or any other party-based occasion) is the bit where I just sit around avoiding eye contact with anyone who might feel the need to make me get out of my seat. Luckily, there as little shortage of people to talk to. I hadn’t ever spoken to Leanne, nor had I spoken to Michelle much, so it was nice to speak with them for a bit, and I still had Nikki there whenever she needed a rest. It wasn’t at all bad though, except for when the DJ started playing 80s music. Luckily, as a counterbalance the worse songs DJed, Dav and Glenn played a few live covers, which were so good they even drew the attention of a good portion of the other wedding party there that day. Jo joined in for a couple of easyworld songs, and Paul and Glenn did a song together. Dav was saying at the dinner table how there were problems thinking up a setlist, but it seemed to turn out alright in the end. The cover of Weezer’s “no-one else” was my favourite song. They played REM’s “The one I love” which is a song that amuses me no end, because it sounds really romantic until you listen to the other lyric in the song, which is “a simple prop, to occupy my time” and that changes the meaning of the song completely.

Paul and Relly left for parts unknown (I think it’s a cruise) and thn everyone else pretty much dispersed following that. Nikki and I made our way back to Brighton, and following Glenn’s instructions, managed to get back to the flat. We had to park a few streets down, but besides that it was easy enough to get to. The cats were fed, and we watched some Sky TV until going to bed. It was the first time I’ve been to Paul and Relly’s new flat, but I doubt it’ll be the last time I sleep there, somehow. Nikki and I handed over the keys and stuff to Graham, who gets to do the house-sitting proper, and I drove Nikki up to Leamington. Because Nikki was going off to her aunt’s tonight, and I was feeling tired, I decided just to come straight back to Oxford, get some food and get some food and go to sleep. The latter of which I’m about to accomplish, but I thought I’d better do this first.