Diary of an up and coming sociopath

I came back from Leamington earlier this morning, after dropping Nikki at the train station, 15 minutes early for her train. At least, that was the plan. We were going to have a race up to Oxford, me in the car, her on the train. Unfortunately, I’d been here 15 minutes at least before her train even set off. In many ways, I’m sure public transport is great. Maybe they should issue some kind of pamphlet though, because I sure as hell can’t see how.

Later on, Ian and I attempted to find work. We went to the Job Shop, which was closed so they could give meetings for future students in the room. Great. After that we walked up to Tescos to see if there were any better local papers with jobs in. There was one called something like “Jobs and Careers” but it turned out to cover everywhere from Oxford to Swindon. There was on, though, at 2000ad of all places, which I’d be great for if it didn’t require one year of experience. It’s scanning and manipulating stuff in photoshop and QuarkXpress, and it’s just up the road, and it’s at a comic company. I could do it, I’d enjoy it, and yet again a lack of experience is preventing me. Fuckers. It’s kind of annoying how Jobs that plainly requite little more than a GCSE or A-Level require degrees, and jobs that probably require the bare minimum of computing experience are artificially inflated with experience to prune out those with none. I guess I’ll stick at it.

On saturday, I got stuck in traffic on the Oxford Ring Road. It took me almost an hour to go less than 6 miles, and at least doubled the length of my journey. All that because I decided to get petrol from Tescos using a voucher. They seemed to have closed one side of the ring road off for, well, no reason at all. Just to see how much toruble it’d cause. The sun was utterly beating down, and I only had the Pixies for company. I kept myself sane by trying to spot the crickets I could hear in the grass on the verge, but I scored a zero in that respect. On Sunday I had dinner at Mum’s, which was a really nice piece of beef. I ahven’t had beef for weeks, with Nan in hospital, and me totally unable to cook it, so it was doubly good to have something that was not poultry. Terry put some oil in the car because it was getting low. Apparantly if it gets too low, it will seize up, explode, and then I’ll need a new car, so I’m glad that’s been addressed, really. Hopefully that’s the capping off of the car troubles for now. Though, Dad told me to clean it.

While at Nikki’s, we watched both Phone Booth (saturday night) and The Hole (sunday night). Phone Booth I wanted to see at the cinema, but never got around to it. It’s a kind of high-concept idea that appeals to me, though I was dubious about how it would be executed. It was entertaining enough, I guess. I like the idea of a twat being forced to admit he’s a twat under threat of snipering, but that’s just the sociopath in me coming out. It was pretty funny at parts, and the ending was satisfactory enough, I suppose. I wouldn’t have bought it on DVD, and at 1 hour 15 minutes, it’s maybe a bit too short for the cinema. I’m not sure how much longer you could stretch the concept out, I think it’s about the right length, but I’d be annoyed if I paid a fiver for it. When someone else has paid, however, I can say it’s a film worth watching at least once. Even if it was directed by Joel “Bat-Nipples” Schumacher.

The night after, we watched “Hole” because it was on. I do have it on DVD, but it’s been a while since I’ve watched it. Again, I probably only like it because all the annoying normal characters die, and the total lunatic comes out on top, but any film where Thora Birch acts like a psychopath is good watching for me. It reminded me I should maybe buy Ghost World, if not for the nutcasery then for the indie comics credibility I so desperately need. I plan to watch the director’s commentary for hole at some point soon, becuase it occurs to me I haven’t yet. The front of the DVD lists “Thora Birch” and “Desmond Harrington” on the front as the main actors. Sorry? Kiera who? I expect Des can kiss goodbye to his leading credit if that cover gets reissued.

Today, while eating, Ian suggested we watch Van Helsing, which he had downloaded. For a time I was considering going to see this at the cinema, but then it looked shit, so I didn’t. However, without anything better to watch, we put it on. Let’s just say I’m glad I didn’t pay to see it. It’s by far the worst film I’ve seen since I watched Anaconda the other week at Nikki’s. What a fucking turkey. As Dave put it, their idea of a plot thread runs exactly: “We have a past, you and I. A mysterious and dark past you have yearned to know about since you were found, amnesiac some decades ago.” “Some things are better left forgotten.” No-one finds out what this mysterious haunting past is, least of all the audience, besides the barest hints. That’s not a satisfying resolution, though I suspect it’s because they had sequelmania, or even Trilogitis. The romantic subplot is just a really bad excuse for one, too. Kate Beckinsale was the only thing worth watching in the film, even if she was playing a generic ass-kicking female, she did a slight amount of verbal sparring with Hugh Jackman’s character, but then about 9/10 through the film they remember she was probably supposed to be the romantic interest for the plot, have her kiss the main character, and then promptly drop dead the next time she sneezes. It really is embarassing to watch. “Here is a sunlight grenade. I don’t know what it’s for, but take it, it could be useful. What’s that you say? Fighting vampires? Yes, I have no idea what a sunlight grenade might be good for.” <- paraphrased. The IMDB page is full of people saying "hey, chill out, enjoy the ride, it's not supposed to be good, it's a summer action popcorn flick." like that somehow excuses it. I identify with the person who claims that it's only a popcorn flick if you drive the popcorn into your eyeballs until they crush and bleed, allowing you sweet release from the film.