Diary of an up and coming sociopath

Yesterday, we did what has become the traditional thing of recent weeks, going to the pub, the other pub, Tescos, and then back to Josh’s to watch music television until we’re all too tired to go on. One video stood out in particular, it was one of the newer Linkin Park efforts. I have but one huge problem with Linkin Park - they are the very definition of Middle Class, putting out records that try to sound like they’re full of rage and anger, but are in fact just whinging about being middle class. I mean, for god’s sake, “Chester”! Is there a more middle class name!? Anyway, the video I saw featured a teenage girl, sitting looking upset and pissed off in a variety of locations, such as, her middle-class school, her middle-class home, her middle-class bedroom, while people ignored her problems. Presumably these problems involved things such as, “My parents won’t let me use the car” or “My parents don’t like my boyfriend” or perhaps even, “My parents won’t increase my allowance so I can afford to buy more of my trendy rock-chick clothes from Camden” (I know, I know, she’s american, but shh, I’m insulting.) It’s just really, really embarassing on behalf of my middle-class white peers.

The other day, Paul and I were conversing about key events in one’s life. We ascertained that the fact that we both got work AP, and that he is a programming geek can be pretty much traced all the way back to the trip we went on in Year 9, to the Mendips, where our indifferent group leader allowed us to wander Bristol shopping, rather than seeing the historical sights, and where Paul bought a Magazine with borland C++ on. Of course, the crux of that whole even lies some weeks before, where we were challenged by a group of girls who wanted to swap with us so that they could go on the trip with their friends. We refused to back down (justifiably so, I might add) unable to see why THEY didn’t swap groups, and as such events unfolded as they did. Likewise, much of the past 3 years can be traced back to some time in mid-2000 when I downloaded some King Adora tracks off Napster (ah, the good old days) Saw them at Reading, leading me to take Nikki to see them in Febuary the next year, where we saw a band called Easyworld doing their first proper tour, which lead me to buy the single for myself and for Nikki, and then the mini-album, and then further gigs, joining the messageboard, sleeping over at Relly’s where we met some of our best friends, some new acquaintances, and, incidentally, some of the most disgusting examples of humanity it was my misfortune to commune with, and so on and soforth for the last god knows how long.

This, of course, got my wondering about fate. I don’t generally believe in fate as in predestination, more as a mathematical function of the random universe. Had we not stuck fast in the decision to stay in our group going to the Mendips, would I be doing gamestesting for Aqua-Pacific now? Would Paul have had a year out and be in the band he’s in? Some things, most certainly not, some most certainly yes. Again, if I hadn’t downloaded those King Adora tracks, would we like Easyworld now? Would we still be friends with Relly, Eri and Paul? Those two decisions I talked about earlier affected the course of years. I just thought of another, the time Paul and Josh bought FFE round my house to play, and we all discovered a shared love for Elite, and subscribed to the newsgroup - skip a few years, and Tom, who I met because of that, lives with us in Oxford. I suspect, however, that these are the biggest life-altering events of all. A lost limb or death of a relative may suddenly change things, but arguably these are minute, compared to how radically one small decision might alter the whole course, like how throwing a rock in a river might disturb the bed slightly, but only a fork would change the whole course. (A fork in the river, not throwing a fork in, for any comedians reading this.)

Having said all that, I suspect those kind of decisions can’t be watched out for, only in hindsight can you look back and say “Well, if I hadn’t made that choice things would be different”. It’s also intereting to think what level you can break things down to, but I think you’re getting too low-level once you start wondering if my downloading King Adora can be traced back to subtle musical tastes being built up over time, though I’m almost inclined to say the downloading of Napster itself would count. Hmm. I think unpicking the tapestry of life becomes difficult when you realise you have no idea where threads start.

Anyway. Enough pseudo-philosophising. There was a third part to this entry but I forgot it while I was writing the second, so it’s once again lost forever in the ether, perchance for me to capture it again, or perhaps forever lost to humanity. I’m sure history would’ve really benefitted from it, though.