Diary of an up and coming sociopath

Some days, the world really is against you:

I decided to have an egg sandwich for lunch/dinner/snacktime. Firstly, I had the wrong kind of bread. No big probalem, but it turned out to be the first part of a rich tapestry of errors. In order to boil the eggs, I would need a saucepan. Ultimately, I chose a saucepan that was too small, and it kept boiling over. I had to turn the hob down for brief periods to stop this ocurring - this was, of course, after I turned on the correct hob, having started up the wrong one previously. When putting the eggs in the water, I managed to crack both of them, meaning that as they cooked, innards seeped out and floated maliciously in the water cooking uselessly there. By the time the eggs were cooked, one of the shells was literally half-empty where all the crap had come out, though I didn’t discover this until after I’d managed to break the handle of the spoon I was using to scoop them out of the water. I then destroyed a piece of bread trying to spread the butter on it, and had to get another.

After all that, it was an okay sandwich, but I’m not convinced it was worth it.