Diary of an up and coming sociopath

Just taking a break from actual revision, so I suspect a post is in order (that is, necessary in order to stop me going back to revision before I absolutely have to). Yesterday I accomplished little. I was woken up early (relatively speaking) to take one of my idiot housemate’s idiot friends to the A&E place because she’d hurt her idiot ankle running in South Park. This confirms my long-held suspision that exercising is more trouble than it’s worth. Quite why I was more suited to the job of driving stupid people to the hospital than a fucking taxi, I don’t know.

At least this officially fulfills my humanitarian quota for the decade.

At some point in the day I noticed that the exams were actually the opposite way around to what I thought. It’s lucky I checked, otherwise I might’ve arrived at Wheatley 6 hours early, having revised for the wrong exam.

Today began the arduous task of converting 8 weeks of course material into a digestable form. I tend to analogise my way of revising as Heinz canned all-day breakfasts. It’s not really convincing as the real thing, but does the job cpnincingly enough, even though it looks horrendous. I’m adopting my usual revision technique of “Writing down everything that seems important, in as little space as possible.” So far I’ve converted 4 weeks of lectures into 2 sides of A4, by jettisonning anything that wasn’t immediately relevant to passing the exam. The technique works well usually, at least well enough to let me pass. Still, I don’t like to tempt fate, and this does look to be a seriously evil exam paper.

Hmm. Gone 4 o’clock already. That means in an hour or so I can get to cooking dinner, by way of procrastinating for another couple of hours. Now, if can just think up a way of filling that hour, under the pretense of “taking a break from revision” I can pretty much avoid doing any more until quite late at night. Probably until after “Fortysomething”, which Nikki wants us to have a watch of (given that it’s got Hugh Laurie in, I’m not averse to either) at which point I’ll only have a little time left until it’s necessary to go to bed.

Excellent. My Rimmerian revision timetable is therefore complete. Tomorrow should be much easier to accomodate because, if nothing else, I’ve got a huge exam in the middle of the day. Then a 9am exam on Tuesday, and then that’s it, I can officially become a summer waster until someone throws a job at me from the employment agency I’ve signed up with. Naturally, I’m already working on contingency plans, should that fall through in any way. Sperm donation, grave-robbing, the usual. Perhaps some eBay scam selling advertising space on my forehead would be a worthy way of drumming up some ill-gotten revenue.

If anyone knows anyone who wants to buy a kidney, I have a spare.