Diary of an up and coming sociopath

So, what’s up in the ever-exciting life of James Hunt?

Yesterday Nikki had to go to a Uni Council meeting. I was interested to see what actually goes on in them, so I tagged along. Here is my report back:

First we sat and stared blankly while some woman read out a long list of stuff, until we got to the funding requests. At this point, people would present their case as to how much money they wanted to the Chair (that is, woman at the front, though an actual chair would’ve had as much impact on the proceedings as her) and then a vote would be made as to whether the funding application passed at this stage.

The average request goes along the lines of:
“We want £400 so that we can organise a culturally significant gathering whereby we will celebrate our country’s history in the traditional manner, to allow our countrymen to feel at home, so far away from their native land. Then we’ll take everyone down the pub. We need the money for a few rounds of drinks.”

Yesterday the European Business Society wanted to organise the staging of a tradition that originates in North Germany, whereby everyone goes on a walk, stopping every 5 minutes or so to play a game and have some Schnapps. They then proceeded to explain that the walk would end at the pub so that they could have some food and, you guessed it, buy everyone a round of drinks.

So people ask for their funding and then everyone votes “yes” for it and that’s that. Occasionally, people will ask for stupid funding or to create a dumb society, but people want everyone else to vote for their thing so they won’t not vote for another’s for fear of repurcussions. This is how we end up with the “Rugby Appreciation Society” and the “Rugby Social Society”, whereby the first is so people can get money to get drunk and watch Rugby, and the second is so people who watch Rugby can get money to get drunk.

Tom and I recently worked out that with a proper front you could launder significant monies and fund a substantial drug habit, at the Uni’s expense. It’s almost worth trying.

On Monday, it was a Bank Holiday, so yet another of my already sparse lectures didn’t occur. Nikki and I went round the “Cultural Arts Fair” that had set up in South Park, which was made up of a group of Chinese people in traditional garb, A guy dressed as a Cowboy, and the local Scout Troupe running a tombola, all the while with songs from Oliver! played over megaphones and some horrific commentating being done by the local Hospital Radio station. That’s the “Cultural Arts” bit. After that we wondered around the actual fair, which was filled with many bootleg toys (Disney might be interested to know that you can put a red jacket on any yellow bear and pretend it’s “Winnie the Pooh”, according to the Carnies) and almost as bizarrely, a hoopla game where you could win such prizes as a packet of cigarettes or a 4-pack of beer.

After that we sat in the park and did some people watching and dodged frisbees. Most amusingly, two guys spent the best part of 2 hours trying to get their stunt kite in the air and, in front of everyone, failed miserably and eventually went home. There was also an african guy who had brought his Bongos, and what appeared to be the OBU Hackey-Sack society, which I had assumed up until now was merely a front for dope smokers and didn’t actually exist.

And that’s been my week so far.